How to write about Pakistan

The bitingly sarcastic essay on How to write about Africa is a regular listing in the readings I have for students.  The same publication, Granta, has a an issue focused on Pakistan.  It is not fully online, and my university library doesn't subscribe to Granta.  Why? I have no idea about how universities function.  (editor: isn't a university your employer?  So?)

Anyway, one of the freebies there is How to write about Pakistan  It starts thus:

1. Must have mangoes.
2. Must have maids who serve mangoes.
3. Maids must have affairs with man servants who should occasionally steal mangoes.
4. Masters must lecture on history of mangoes and forgive the thieving servant.
5. Calls to prayer must be rendered to capture the mood of a nation disappointed by the failing crop of mangoes.
6. The mango flavour must linger for a few paragraphs.
7. And turn into a flashback to Partition.
8. Characters originating in rural areas must fight to prove that their mango is bigger than yours.
9. Fundamentalist mangoes must have more texture; secular mangoes should have artificial flavouring.
10. Mangoes that ripen in creative writing workshops must be rushed to the market before they go bad.

It is way too good.  I liked this one-liner:

bear in mind that Pakistan is a market-leader. The Most Dangerous Place in the World^TM.

I would think that a Somali writer would not concede that point though, and argue otherwise :)


Granta: Pakistan from Granta magazine on Vimeo.

Will continue to dream about a trip to Pakistan. One of these days years.