A burning issue

Even as I started reading this essay on how and why most Americans are now choosing cremation over burials, I was struck by this: "Parting.com, which compares the pricing of funerals and cremations, points out."

Is there anything that cannot be found on the internet?  Seriously.

So, of course, I had to suspend reading the essay and open a new tab to look at parting.com, while making sure that I didn't type "f" in place of "p".  I was not in any mood for farting.com, which, if exists, will not surprise me one bit.

The blog at parting.com--yes, there is a blog there!--notes that "once all funeral-related costs are factored in, the typical traditional funeral service will cost the average family closer to $8,000 - $10,000."

A typical funeral service will cost about $10,000?  I am a cheapo guy.  I don't ever want to spend that much on my funeral.  I can't recall the last time I even bought a nice shirt.  I wear out my pants and tshirts until there are holes all over, and they want me to spend 10,000 after my death?

Further, it is not like there will be a huge crowd weeping at my funeral.  I am with my great-uncle; he joked about himself that after he died, most people when informed would reply with, "oh, was there a guy with that name?"  Most of the rest would be mighty glad that he was dead, he said.  Maybe ten people would feel sad about his death, my great-uncle joked.  I hope that he knew that I am one of the ten; I still talk about him, and blog about him.

10,000 dollars to celebrate my death? Over my dead body!  Oh wait, I will be a dead body by then ;)

So, of course, I wanted to find out an inexpensive option, and this is where parting.com is helpful.  I made my preferences clear: No viewing, no service, and a direct cremation.  Anybody who wanted to view me would have visited with me before my expiration, and I would have thanked them for stopping by.  True to the hospitality of the old country traditions, I would have offered them something to eat and drink.

I don't see any reason for people to come by and say hello to me after I am dead.  No service either.  Anything nice that people wanted to tell me, they would have told me to my face or emailed me.  And, there is a chance that a few will come by only to make sure that I am truly gone; seeing is believing to them.  Why should I pay for a venue and food after I am dead?

The dead me has to be dealt with before my body becomes a public health nuisance, to say the least.  So, all I wanted from parting.com was an estimate for direct cremation.  And it delivers:

$2,000 is a much better deal than $10,000.

Cremation works well for me.  (By the way, notice that when you remove the "m" from the word, it makes a new word "creation" that is the opposite of cremation?  I should perhaps tip Will Shortz about this for his Sunday Puzzle program on NPR.)  I was raised in a culture that disposed of the dead by cremating.  In the old tradition, the dead had to be cremated before the day ended.  in addition to a lack of refrigeration back in the old days, one of the reasons for a quick disposal of the body was to also make sure that neighbors would not be put to great inconvenience.

When my paternal grandmother died, it was early evening.  She was put away in the hospital's morgue. I freaked myself out by imagining grandma becoming conscious in the morgue and feeling cold and abandoned.  I was a teenager then and imaginations on any topic ran wild. 

In the morning, grandma--the body--came home.  After the ritual washing and chanting, she was taken away to the cremation grounds.  That was my first experience with death and cremation.

In my case, there will be no services.  No chanting.  Off I will go to be turned into ashes.  Maybe I should request that the Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong take on Summertime be played on a loop for anybody at the cremation site.  Now, that's lovely, soothing, music for any occasion, be it melancholic or celebratory.

In a completely different culture, here in the US, where burial was the preferred and religious way of dealing with the dead, cremation has become popular, if that is an appropriate way of describing it.

Most Americans are now comfortable with cremation as a practice. They like the power that it gives them to inter the remains in the cemetery, keep them at home, or scatter them in forests, parks, oceans and streams.

Keep the ashes at home?  That's where I draw the line.  Too bad that I won't be around to draw that line! ;)