Thursday, October 01, 2015

Shake it, shake it, shake it, baby ...

Consistent with the restroom protocol, I headed to the urinal that was far away from the one that a senior faculty was peeing into.  We men, even if we are pals, don't ever want to be adjacent to each other when peeing.  Only when there is no other option that we stand at urinals next to each other.  I wonder how this behavior was derived from the ancestors back in the Savannah ;)

From the corner of my eye, I could see the movement of his hand that meant that he was done peeing and was shaking his penis to get rid of the last of the drops.  I cannot understand how evolution came up with such a system for waste disposal.  I suppose at least the male plumbing is far better than what women have with the orifices situated next to each other, which then easily triggers a whole bunch of infections.  Those who believe that a supremely knowledgeable entity created man in his image have some serious explainin' to do!

He gave his penis a couple more shakes.  There is a protocol in this too.  Too many shakes will make the rest raise their eyebrows--we begin to wonder if he is getting pleasure from shaking the penis, if you know what I mean.

And then he exited the restroom.

Did you notice something?  Was there something missing between his holding his penis while peeing, shaking it after he was done, and exiting?

That is correct--he did not wash his hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, think about this uncivilized brute walking out of the restroom and extending his arm to shake the hands of others--after forever holding his penis in that same hand that he did not wash!  Maybe his hand had a couple of drops of pee on them.  Or, his finger had even picked up trace fecal matter.  Have I given you enough for you to have horrible dreams tonight?  But, you weren't even there; people like me who watch this awful behavior come away traumatized ;)

The scary thing is that this is not the first time that I have seen male faculty exiting restrooms without washing their hands.  I have no idea what women do in the restrooms.  But, what I see in the male restrooms makes me less and less inclined to shake hands with others.

I did a Google search to see what kind of crazy things people might have done when dealing with such non-washing men.  I doubt whether there is anything to beat the following story:
Police in Tokyo’s Ota Ward said Monday they have arrested a 29-year-old woman on suspicion of attempted murder after she slashed her husband because he didn’t wash his hands after using the toilet.
You read that right--she went after the husband because he did not wash after using the toilet.
she got mad at her husband because he was going to touch their 3-year-old son without having washed his hands after using the toilet.
Apparently the husband didn't think it was a big deal:
Police said she threatened her husband with an 18-cm-long knife and when he dared her to kill him, she slashed his left cheek.
Maybe I should print out this news story and tape it above the urinals!


2 comments:

Ramesh said...

Oh God - the sort of things you write about :)

Sriram Khé said...

I do even better than the New York Times whose motto is "All the News That's Fit to Print" ;)

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