நன்றிகெட்ட நாயே

Perhaps most visitors to this blog post will be stumped by the indecipherable title.

It is a Tamil expression that perhaps is not used that much anymore compared to years past--in my trips to the old country, I haven't heard anybody yell out even in the streets.

நன்றிகெட்ட நாயே (nanrikketta nāāye) means "a gratitude-lacking (or ungrateful) dog."

A language that has such a wonderful phrase that packs a ton of emotion in it, well, it lacks an easy way to say "thanks."  Which is why often we end up saying the English word instead.  It is like how there is no equivalent for "I love you." 

But then, there might be some deeper reasons behind why Tamil, which clearly values gratitude, does not offer simple ways to express thanks:

[In] societies, like the Tamil one, that are based on reciprocity as a fundamental social principle, morality and etiquette are inextricably linked. In the modern West, by contrast, etiquette and morality are distinct domains, and although gratitude might be a moral question, thanking someone is frequently just a matter of good manners. Apparently similar kinds of awkwardness might therefore conceal dramatically different moral assumptions about the appropriate currency for the giving of thanks.  

Etiquette and morality as distinct domains versus them inextricably linked.  That explanation easily convinces me.

No, this is not yet another post on Tamil related to something authored by David Shulman.  Though I cannot pass up the opportunity to quote from Tiruvalluvar, who had plenty to say about gratitude too, including this:
      நன்றி மறப்பது நன்றன்று நன்றல்லது அன்றே மறப்பது நன்று.
Which I would loosely translate to: It is not good to forget the good things; but, it is good to immediately forget the bad (thoughts and deeds.)  While I am all in favor of the first half of the couplet, I disagree with the second half--I don't care about forgive and forget!

This post is about how cultural differences shape your gratitude.  "Americans say thanks a lot, but other cultures may have a deeper understanding of gratitude."

It was through that article that I ended up reading the essay from 1985, by Arjun Appadurai, from which I excerpted the comment about etiquette and morality.  That article notes:

What’s clear is that gratitude deeply intersects with a culture’s attitude about the self and its relation to others. Are we individuals forging our own paths, or members of a larger whole? 

And then makes this point:

Gratitude is, after all, ultimately a skill that strengthens our relationships—and it arises when we pay more attention to our relationships and all the gifts they bring us. “At a time when the society seems to be more about me me me, we really need to get people thinking about connections”

I like this notion of gratitude being about relationships, about connections.  It is not merely about mouthing a "thank you."  As Appadurai wrote in that 1985 essay, it is not a mere etiquette,  but one that it inextricably linked with morality. It makes sense to, therefore, think of gratitude as "a moral virtue: a repayment and paying it forward of kindness that are part of being a good human being."
 
நன்றி!

Make sure your underwear fits!

Make sure your underwear fits and is unobtrusive, consider whether your eyebrows are a distraction to others and, at all costs, avoid looking cheap.
This is the grooming advice given to new staff at Leeds Metropolitan University as part of a guide to etiquette.
The rules were set out during “manners training”, which included how to walk wearing a hat, how to select the correct cutlery during dinner and how to make polite small talk.
In the chapter on developing a “personal brand”, the graduate trainees were told to avoid wearing “clashing colours, crumpled or stained clothes” and to make an effort not to appear “frumpy, tarty, [or] lazy”, Times Higher Education reports.

Don't they have anything else to do? More here I agree with this:

one academic, who asked not to be named and was not so keen to mind his manners, said that the guide was “a broth of self-important snobbery that most of us thought had been laughed out of existence in the 1960s”.