With some grace

On his way to a comfortable retirement, the university's president issued a few of us the layoff letters, which we knew was coming.  Soon after, a colleague wrote in his email to me: "I hope you are riding the wave with some grace."

I am not sure what he meant there.  Perhaps he was worried that I was not calmly handling the layoff?  Or that I would file a legal complaint like this one?  Or that as an op-ed writer, I would wash the dirty linen in public?

But then I have always described in my blog the university's dirty linen.  Most of what I have written here about my university and colleagues won't be new to the university personnel either because I have shared those with many people. 

It is just that I have not written commentaries about them in any of the newspapers where I typically submit my essays.  That approach has never appealed to me anyway.

Shit happens in life.  We have to deal with it.  Cleaning up the shit and moving it far away is the only way to live healthily.  And that is what I do.  It is not that I have forgotten all about the shit; after all, I never forget nor forgive.

As I started gearing up for the layoff, I was supremely confident about one thing: My identity as a professor would come to an end.  I would have to invent a new identity in the post-layoff life, even as I figure out what to do with the 24 hours every single day.

Such an approach has been easy for me only because of a lifelong conviction that I am not who I am based on what I do for a living.  After all, I am the same one who at one time was an electrical engineer, a transportation planner at a different time, and a professor for a very long time.  All those different identities are a part of me, but are merely a part of me.  I am far more interested to talk about, for instance, my love to travel, or the simple but tasty foods that we make at home, or the joyful experiences with the extended family in grandmas' villages.

This is also why as I have gotten older, I have stopped asking strangers at social gatherings about their work.  I am far more interested in other aspects of life, which is where we truly express who we are as humans.

This essay in Harvard Business Review confirms (as if I needed a confirmation) my views on how to deal with major changes that upend one's sense of self.  The authors write:

Mark a Distinct Break with the Past 

Craft a Story to Tie the Past and Present Together  

Acknowledge and Work Through Challenging Emotions 

Focus on Meaningful, Non-Work Identities

Check, check, check, and check!

They conclude with this:

[Left] unchecked, identity paralysis can threaten both your career prospects and your mental health. To avoid getting stuck and truly move forward in our lives, we must acknowledge and embrace our current identities, our past selves, and everything in between.

Indeed.

And I say that "with some grace" :)