Monday, November 27, 2017

The implicit brutality of male sexuality

Years ago, an older friend who was married to an European, remarked about an aspect of the male-female relationship that did not exist in my old country nor in the adopted one.  "Harmless flirtation" at parties and at places of work is very European, he said.  Of course, the European flirtation that he referred to was in the married context, where people are in committed relationships.

Having been raised in a culture where girls and boys, and women and men, lived socially separate lives, and as one curious about how different societies around the world dealt with issues like this, I found all these to be fascinating.  In the old country, women even in my grandmother's generation rarely talked with men, which then did not even crack open the possibility of harmless flirtation.  

In enforcing such a separation between the male and the female, one of the metaphors in the Tamil culture was about fire and cotton--these need to be kept far away from each other because otherwise the cotton will get burnt.  Females being the cotton here, of course.  It was to protect women from the fire and fury that men are.

Vice President mike pence practices such a separation between men and women.  He has proudly noted how he doesn’t eat alone with any woman other than his wife.  While it might seem like a great idea, it is another version of la majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.  Why?  Because, in practice it means like this:
One reason women stall professionally, research shows, is that people have a tendency to hire, promote and mentor people like themselves. When men avoid solo interactions with women — a catch-up lunch or late night finishing a project — it puts women at a disadvantage.
So, isn't a better approach to empower women?  Give them agency?

Masha Gessen notes:
In the current American conversation, women are increasingly treated as children: defenseless, incapable of consent, always on the verge of being victimized. This should give us pause. Being infantilized has never worked out well for women.
In this post-weinstein era, I hope we don't swing to the other extreme and strictly enforce the gender separation that continues to exist in many parts of the world.

Instead, I want something else: Serious and sincere conversations on how to deal with the biological wiring in men, and how nurture can address that aspect of nature.  But then, nobody listens to what I have to say!


4 comments:

Ramesh said...

You can't just throw out phrases as "la majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain". I had to Google the damn thing !!!

Also like your correct expression - The Vice President has capital letters, while the name has smaller ones. That's what I was remonstrating against a couple of posts ago. You see, I am a grammar nazi especially to Americans :)

Pence is a dinosaur.

In the business world where I have dealt with hundreds of Americans, men and women working together is hardly an issue. Most Americans working in the business world are incredibly professional. Even in today's times of heightened sensitivities, I wouldn't think twice about the normal day to day interactions with female colleagues. Including the good natured ribbing that goes on.

Guys who are throwing out the line that even normal interactions are jepopardised due to PC are talking through their hat. Everybody knows the distinction between what is appropriate and what is not. Even in the more complex multi cultural settings. Its only the dirty minds who have some confusion.

Sriram Khé said...

"Most Americans working in the business world are incredibly professional."
Well ... even in my small little world of experiences, there have been stories about utterly unprofessional behaviors. I was almost always the last one to know. I have never been in a position of power or fame and, therefore, I have no experience of being tempted to abuse that power or fame. But, I would imagine that those who are often do succumb to that temptation.
Back to my main issue though, this is really about men. The penis is a terrorizing weapon, and if left to biology it will be used that way. It requires a great deal of social conditioning in order for young men to understand how to appropriately use their penis. Otherwise, most of us men--yes, including me--mess things up when we are young and takes a while to grow up. Most of us do grow up eventually ... while others get elected president of the US!

Ravi Rajagopalan said...

You write an incredibly educated, well-informed blog! Hats off to you Sir.

Sriram Khé said...

Thanks ... am glad you wandered over here.