Thursday, September 10, 2015

An apple a day ... will keep the profits away?

Mirror, mirror, mirror on the wall
Which is the evilest company of all?
It depends.

It depends on how one defines "evil."  You think it is easy?  Think again.

Seriously, you think you have defined "evil" in a way that everybody can agree with?  Let me give you a simpler task.  We eat sandwiches, right?  Go ahead, define a "sandwich."

If you think there is something tricky about me asking you to define a sandwich, yes, you are correct.  Click here to find out more about that problem.  If defining a sandwich will be that difficult, now do you agree with me that defining "evil" is not going to be easy?

I find Apple to be a creepy and evil corporation.

Yes, for a few years I have had an iPhone.  But, that does not change my opinion that there is something creepy and evil about Apple. Its profits are the main reason why I think that way about Apple.

How profitable is Apple?  You want to know how much cash the company has sitting around?  You ready for this?  Are you seated?  Are you holding on to something so that you won't easily keel over?  Ok, here it is:
 As of last month, Apple had $203 billion in cash reserves.
Yes, it is two hundred and three billion dollars.  Of cash reserves.  BTW, a billion is a thousand million, right?  Which means the cash reserves are 203,000 million dollars.  Here, let me put it this way; it is $203,000,000,000.  And you thought zero has no value! ;)

Of course, this is not the first time (like here) that I am beating up on the company that liberals love; the same liberals who otherwise hate corporations!

It gets even more interesting:
keep in mind that $181 billion of that total (roughly 89%) is held outside the U.S.
Yep, Apple has enough lawyers and accountants who know every hole in the taxation Swiss cheese to keep the money far, far away from taxpayers in the country in which the corporation is headquartered.  If there aren't enough holes, then the corporation's hired hands create them, of course.

You still think Apple is a saintly entity?  Well then, how about this comment:
But one thing Apple absolutely shouldn't do is bring that cash back to the United States -- at least not yet. Because in doing so, Apple would incur a massive repatriation tax bill at a rate of 35%, or more than $63 billion.
Thankfully for Apple shareholders, management has promised that this isn't an option as long as America's repatriation tax remains at such a high rate.
I know, some of you readers are so pro-corporations and are finance wizards that you will want to interject here that America's tax policies are why Apple plays these offshore shell games.  Tell you what. it all depends on your definitions, like what Bill Clinton famously said!  Using my definition, Apple is one heck of an evil corporation.


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