I saw a beautiful woman during a painful train ride

"It has probably been 20 or 25 years since I watched any "Indian" movie" I replied to the visitor's question as we walked across the campus.

It is not that I was exaggerating--I had plainly forgotten the two movies that I watched in India during the sabbatical.  I suppose that by itself says a lot about how much those movies (this and this) made an impression on me!

Over the decades that I have been in the US, I have, of course, watched quite a few movies set in India.  The first of those was when I was in graduate school--Salaam Bombay. A long list of them, all the way to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  But then, these are not "Indian" movies.

Three (or more?) weeks ago when Netflix listed Chennai Express in its list of new additions, I was tempted.  Not because I wanted to watch an Indian movie, but because a while ago, when the sun's rays were warm here in Oregon, via Twitter I had read this scathing review of the movie. And then my friend was all gooey about it.  So, when I spotted it on Netflix, I decided to watch Chennai Express.

I had forgotten how incredibly long Indian movies are.  If a story is told in three acts, in the case of Chennai Express, I started fast-forwarding even a few minutes into the first act itself.  

I simply could not continue watching--it was  insanely formulaic and sophomoric.  The good thing about Netflix--I knew I could always continue at a later date from where I had hit pause.  If not for the beautiful woman that the lead female actor, Deepika Padukone, is, I would have even abandoned the movie!

A few days ago, when in Seattle, when the context came up, I shared with them my experience with Chennai Express.  I was glad that there was at least one other fellow-traveler in this atrocious train ride.  Unlike me, she had even paid five dollars to watch the movie, as if to confirm PT Barnum's acute observation ;)

Saturday night, with nothing else to do, I decided to continue with the movie.  There was no worry that I would have forgotten about the fine details of the story--there were no details to keep track anyway.  Thus, armed with the remote to fast-forward, I clicked on the resume option.

The movie reached the second act just about when a typical Hollywood movie would start tying up the loose ends of the story in the third act.

Yep, I watched the movie with the subtitles on.  As the sarcastic review noted, I don't speak "yindi" and without the subtitles it was just a whole bunch of gobbledygook!  Even stranger was how hard to understand it was when the characters spoke Tamil.  Not because I have lost my fluency in the language, but because of the horrible pronunciation by the lead female actor who was playing the role of a Tamil woman.  Well, at least she is one good looking woman--no Mallika, however!

Even with all the fast-forwarding, it seemed like a never ending movie with all the old Bollywood formula elements--a designated bad guy, the villain, who was out to claim the woman; fight scenes that were awfully choreographed; and comedic lines that were as painful as I remember them from years ago.  But, hot damn, the female actor is one beautiful woman! ;)

A lot more fast-forwarding and finally the scene when the man and the woman profess their love for each other.  All is well that ends well.

I was about to shut it off when I spotted what seemed like outtakes along with the credits.  I am glad I saw that.  Though they were not outtakes, what I watched when the credits rolled by was perhaps the best part of the movie--a song and dance routine that was a hilarious take on the superstar who is equally famous in Japan--"Thalaiva" Rajanikanth--and the Jai Ho sequence from Slumdog Millionaire:




It is beyond my imagination as to why such movies continue to be made and, more than that, how they rake in those huge amounts at the box offices around the world.

Oh well ...  Jai Ho!