Obama's options in Afghanistan

According to a highly reliable source, the following are the options that President Obama is considering regarding Afghanistan:

• Not only learn the lessons of Vietnam, but apply them as well
• Visit; act fascinated by their rugs
• Remove every American soldier; see if fighting continues
• Legalize gambling, as that's worked well domestically
• Thunderdome-style battle to the death between Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal and Afghanistan Taliban leader Mullah Omar
• Call the Taliban pretending to be the Prophet Muhammad and tell them to stop ambushing American soldiers
• Announce you're raising troop levels by 15,000, then pull everybody out, then come back with a half million soldiers, in the process convincing al-Qaeda that you're loco and not to be messed with
• Arm and finance a group of religious fighters
• Back the murderous drug-dealing warlord with the most government officials in his pocket