"Shyness is just egoism out of its depth"

Being shy was a part of who I was for the longest part of my life.  There, I said it.  You happy now? ;)

I have always believed that almost all of us are born shy.  It is that rare breed that is right from birth not a shy human and the rest of us grow out of our shyness.  Some of us struggle our way through.  Even if it is a struggle, we go through that because we know that adulthood and its responsibilities require us to get rid of that shyness.

A reminder that shy is not the same as being introverted.  We introverts are awesome!

I avoid people now as an old man a middle-aged man not because I am shy but because I am introverted and, as Snoopy put it, I am allergic to lots of people ;)

Thanks to a site that has been my favorite since the beginning of dawn, er, since the web became a fascinating place, I came across this essay that begins thus:

One of the great sacrifices of adulthood is giving up shyness. Even if it’s been a defining characteristic since childhood, a constant companion through early life, at a certain point it is a luxury we cannot afford. So far as the world is concerned, we are all outgoing, delighted to be here, happy to see you. We can’t run away when we get to the door.

Yep, it was not a luxury that I could afford.

I often tell students--when it comes to presenting in class--that they could never do worse than me given how awfully, painfully, shy I was.  When I realized that if I wanted to be a faculty, if I wanted to engage with people, well, I had no choice but to figure out how to get rid of that painful shyness.  But, always happy I am to be in my hermitage away from those who trigger allergic reactions that no antihistamine can treat ;)

“Everyone’s shy,” my dad used to tell me, when I didn’t want to go to a birthday party or meet dinner guests before going to bed. “We just don't give into it.” At the time I thought this was silly; after all, the world looked to be full of people going about the business of socializing with none of the agony I felt. It seemed like one of those myths about adulthood, like that you lose your taste for sweets.

Indeed. I have also lost that maniacal devotion that I had to sweets.  I hadn't thought about the two of them together until I read that piece, and now I wonder if there was some subconscious relationship between my shyness and my uber-fondness for sweets.  Or, maybe it is all merely growing up.  Well, thankfully, I was shy and a gobbler of sweets when young.  It will be a nightmare of a life if I were to eat that amount of sweets now when the metabolism is slowing!

Life is fascinating, with all the transformations that we go through.  As long as they are metamorphosis that makes charming butterflies out of us fluttering around in the midst of beautiful flowers.

Snoopy on my introverted happy life! No, not the NSA snoopy ;)

My father once commented that I have an ashram in Oregon.  I reminded him that years ago a person from India with a beard made quite some noise in an ashram in Oregon and that, therefore, we need to underplay the ashram description.  A friend wrote not too long ago that I am a hermit blogger.

But then when one reviews the blog posts and find that I delight in small talk, well, wouldn't that contradict the image of a loner, a hermit, in an ashram?  I suppose it is a reflection of the mix of introvert and extrovert within each that then plays out differently.

Even Jung didn't think people could be completely introverted or extroverted. "There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert," he reportedly said. "Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum."

The stereotypical view is that serious thinkers are introverted, and that extroverts are often flaky.  But then, mirror, mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the happiest of them all?

Extroverts, those outgoing, gregarious types who wear their personalities on their sleeve, are generally happier, studies show. Some research also has found that introverts, who are more withdrawn in nature, will feel a greater sense of happiness if they act extroverted.

I like that phrasing: "if they act extroverted."

"If you're introverted and act extroverted, you will be happier. It doesn't matter who you are, it's all about what you do," said William Fleeson, a psychology professor at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, N.C

I like to think that I have hit the jackpot then.  All my small talk and kidding around is like that of an extrovert, when in reality I like to crawl into my shelter and stay put and think and blog.  Awesome. See, even this is an extroverted emotion from an introvert ;)

"We live in a culture that very much subscribes to the extrovert ideal of being bold and assertive," said Susan Cain, a former corporate lawyer who wrote a book last year called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," which argues that introverts are unfairly maligned. Rather than trying to get introverts to act more extroverted, she argues that society should be drawing on their natural strengths, which can include being a good listener and working creatively.

That extrovert cultural version of the bold and the assertive is also one that easily leads to the Bullshit culture that we have all around us.  We need to somehow get the idea across being quiet and listening and saying "I don't know" are also good qualities. Right?