Saturday, November 19, 2022

A bore walks into a bar

The neighborhood restaurant was buzzing with people when we walked in.  We were led to a corner that seated two at a table.

I looked around.  At almost all the other tables, there was no food but only drinks in glasses and beer bottles.  It was then it struck me: We had gone there for an early dinner just as the "happy hour" was winding down.  Two happy hours, according to the sheet that was tucked away by the ketchup.

I have no idea about the origins of the phrase "happy hour," nor do I care to know.  What strikes me as a non-drinker is the association of "happy" with alcohol.

When I was new to the country, I was struck by the significant increase in advertisements for beer and vodka in the days leading up to long weekends and special occasions.  All the people in the ads looked happy with the great time that they were having while holding alcoholic beverages in their hands.  There were moments when I wondered if I was not maximizing my happiness by not downing shots of tequila.

It was also damn discouraging at parties when I had no story to tell about the time that I got wasted.  A boring life that I had, according to what I understood from advertisements and party-goers. 

But then I have always enjoyed being boring.  I am happy being a bore.  I am exceptionally good at that.  After all, not for nothing did I earn the successive promotions from Captain Killjoy, to Major Buzzkill, to finally becoming a four-star General Malaise!

It is not easy to socialize as an adult, I came to understand, if I stayed away from alcohol.  Nor did I become a social drinker, as some people choose to describe themselves.

There is no designated "happy hour" in my calendar.  I am happy at different hours of the day, I suppose, and via very different drinks.  Mostly coffee.  And sometimes it is a very happy concoction of half-caf and half-decaf.  Always with something to eat.  The drink might last only five minutes, but the buzz of happiness lingers on for more than a happy hour!

Using our discretionary time to down alcoholic drinks with friends or colleagues during "happy hour" does not sound like a plausible route to happiness in life.

As many posts in the pasts have made it abundantly clear, I walk around with my own quota of stress and unhappiness.  Life in the ashram for this swami is not simply eternal bliss. The good thing is that many, many years ago, I figured that it will be very, very, very rare for a human to be stress-free and happy.  It is normal to feel stress and anxiety and more.  Happiness, therefore, is something that emerges from and within the context of stress and unhappiness.  The "happy hour" is a mirage, a make-believe "happy" hour.

In her new book, Happier Hour, Cassie Holmes, a researcher and professor at UCLA’s Anderson School of Management, "provides a treasure trove of ideas on how to reassess the way we spend our time and prioritize the things that make for a happier, more meaningful life."  I am willing to bet that weekly "happy hours" is not one of the ideas that Holmes suggests.  

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”  Indeed!

How do you plan to spend your days in order to have a life of "happy hours"?

No comments: